x - Parent Madness
Crazy and funny quotes from kids and parents.
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I wonder how many more years I'll still be carrying sleeping kids upstairs.
My son declared himself the King, and was placed in charge of making sure everyone was cleaning. He loved the job and was pointing his scepter at kids like "You! Clean this over here!"
Dad: You can't leave the house today. Daughter: Why? Dad: Because there are boys out there and you're just too pretty. Daughter: (eye roll) That's both nice and offensive!
Not sure if my son is giving his brother a hug or putting him in a headlock.
It's cool, gravy spilled all over the car increases the resale value.
The dog tried to eat steel wool this evening. Apparently it was time for dinner.
Sitting on the toilet, my son decided he would lower his butt down to dip it in the water.
It's like they just wait until you're in the bathroom before starting absolute chaos
My son fell hands first into the toilet today.
There was a fork on the floor of the bathroom stall today.
My son's logic on Frozen: Kristoff should have just taken Anna to the really hot sauna that was right by Elsa's castle.
The things we say as parents. "Honey, you have some cheese dip on your shoulder."
I packed a blueberry muffin in a little plastic bag to take to work. When my back was turned my toddler son opened the bag and gave the muffin to the dog.
To help encourage the kids' soccer team to score goals, I made a deal with them that I'd do 10 pushups for every goal they scored. My daughter's team scored 14 goals this week and 8 last week, so I now owe 220 pushups. Apparently it's working.
At the children's sermon today: "Why do you think we make a bigger deal about Mother's Day than Father's Day?" My son: "I think Dads just want to take a nap!"
My daughter says that one of her classmates looks British. Not sure what that means?
Today as a reward for cleaning the toy room, the kids were allowed to do 100 pushups.
Dad to Mom: Don't let me forget I have broccoli in my pocket.
I really need to remember that when my kids report that someone says bad words (in this case the F word) at school, they have a different view of what that word actually is. Imagine my relief when I was told someone said the word "fart".
I was talking about dropping off some toys to donate, and my daughter said "You mean to Old Navy?" Salvation Army, close enough!
At dinner tonight my son had mashed potatoes on his ear.
There are pop tarts in my car's cupholder.
Sooo... now they have dolls with pets that poop rainbows, jewels and glitter??
My son told me he only snores one night of the week.
Got a great compliment today from one of the kids in my daughter's girl scout troop: "I've never seen a grownup that acted like a kid before."
So since Friday is 7/4, should I expect to hear mortar shellings this weekend, next weekend or both?
At the zoo an old woman in a wheelchair told my daughter that the camel's humps were made of fat, just like her boobies!
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