No Presents!

(After Daddy put a Santa hat on) Daughter: Daddy you're a ho ho ho!

Big Nose

Dad: Sweetie you look a lot like Gramma. See, you have the same nose...
Daughter: Yeah, but Gramma's nose is BIG!

Helping Hands

Dad: I'm apparently so used to dining with kids that I scooped broccoli onto my sister's plate before realizing what I was doing!

No Puppy Love

Daughter to Dad: The octagon sign says no kissing doggies on the face!

Salad Sandwich

Son: Mommy, I didn't ask for salad!
Mom: That's not a salad, that's lettuce on your sandwich.

Potty Acrobat

When my little girl sits on the toilet to pee she more or less does the splits. One time when she leaned over to get some TP, she lost her balanced and did a complete forward roll off the toilet onto the floor!

Supposably

Son to Mom: No mom, it's "cobbage" cheese, not cottage cheese, because Gramma lives in a cottage!

Speedy Poo

Mom: Honey, are you done going potty?
Daughter: Yeah daddy, I'm a FAST pooper!

Circus Crash

After my clumsy little girl came home with a goose egg on her forehead I asked her how it happened.

Daughter: "I fell off the red chair"
Dad: "The red chair?"
Daughter: NO, the THREE red chairs!"

That explains a little!

Beware Falling Rocks

Dad: Why do you think grampa is bald?
Daughter: I think a rock fell on his head and knocked all his hair off!

Spelling Bawl

My 5 year old daughter threw a 10 minute tantrum this morning because I asked her to spell out the name on the Ty beanie baby tag. Pretty sure I lost on that battle!

Space Nap

In the car my daughter was yawning so we said something about her being tired and that's why she should have taken a nap. She goes, but mommy, someone took my rest. They took my rest and sent it to outerspace and I just don't know how to get it back!

Wave Bye Bye

Sitting on a bus that was part of a parade, I notice my son is crying.

Dad: What's wrong??
Son: I lawst mai glovee out da windoooow!!!"

I have the bus driver stop the bus and run back a quarter mile along the whole parade route only to come back and discover his "glovee" on the floor of the bus!

Ruff Arf Woof

At the dinner table every kid gets a turn to tell how our day was. Yesterday the dog came up and started barking and grumbling for a treat to tell us his day too!

Say Cheese

Daddy, take that crocodiles picture! He's smiling because he wants his picture taken!

Smelly Birds

The penguin exhibit at our zoo is a little stinky. Entering the building my son grabbed his nose and yelled "Daddy, this place stinks like penguin poop!"

Rainbow Bath

The kids got out the bath crayons last night, so this morning I showered surrounded by rainbows, trees and puppies

I Wanna Sister

My daughter was so disappointed when we found out the baby in my belly was not a girl, that she refused to tell anyone in hopes that it might change.

The Sign Says

Took my daughter to the zoo the other day, and she pointed out EVERY sign that said keep off the fence. There were about 100 signs!

Vamp Mommy

Daughter: Do you want blood?
Mom: Why?
Daughter: Just... do you want blood?
Mom: Not particularly.
Daughter: I'm just checking to see if you're a vampire.

Hungry Mommy

After waiting far too long past lunch at the doctor's office, my little girl hears my tummy grumbling, and says "Look, you're hungry and I'm tired, let's just get dressed and get out of here!"

Nap Boycott

Mom: If you don't lay down and take a nap then we won't go to the pumpkin patch today.
Daughter: Well then I guess we aren't decorating the house for Halloween!

I wish I was making this stuff up!

Dads Man Hands

My little girl and her friends were giggling about their newly painted nails, so I jumped right in to tease them and said OH look at MY painted nails too! They all jumped back and said EWWW your fingers are all hairy!

Wheres My Dolly

When Santa asked my daughter what she wanted and she told him a dolly with a pink dress, she then asked, well where is it? LOL. Such a logical girl. We tell her gifts come from Santa and there she was seeing Santa so she expected her gift.

Sorry Mom

When I was a kid I told my mom to tell me I was adopted because I didn't want to think about my parents doing it. What a rotten kid I was!

Bratty Kid

But Mom, we didn't come to the circus for the show, we came here to BUY things!!!

Kid Overshare

My daughter was telling the other kids at the bus stop about how hairy my belly was. Another girl giggled and told everyone that while her dad is walking around in his underpants she gives him a wedgie!

Genius

Just convinced my little girl that her "orange" sheets are really "princess gold"!

So Good

Took the kids to Krispy Kreme for a "field trip" today to learn about donuts. Score!

Big Poo

Dad: Did you go poop?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: How big?
**son stretches arms wide**

What is Parent Madness?

A few funny new sites / apps have turned up on the interwebs recently:
Texts From Last Night (TFLN), Texting While Intoxicated (TWI), F-My Life (FML), It Made My Day (IMMD), My Life is Average (MLIA)

Basically people send their embarrassing, funny or sometimes even painful stories off to these sites, and they get posted for people to laugh about.
Some of them are likely fakes, while others you WISH were fakes but probably aren't.

Anyways, I was talking to my wife last night, and we thought it would be funny to have a site for Parents to post short one liners of things that either their kids or parents said.

So here goes, let's establish the ground rules:

1 - Keep it short! A few sentences max.
2 - Must be REAL!
3 - Must state who it's from and who it's to. (i.e. Father to daughter, no names)
4 - Will be posted as anonymous, or with a funny nickname if provided (i.e. "GrossedOutDad")
5 - Pictures are OK too, but must be PG!


So for example, the other day walking to work I had something brown on the leg of my pants. Not sure what it was, I thought... it could be poop, or chocolate or dirt? Then I thought how funny that is that poop is even an option, and I don't freak out about it anymore! So if I wanted to share that with everyone, I'd rather not type up the whole story when I could just say:

[Grossed Out Dad] Dad: Walking in to work, something brown on my pant leg. Poop? Chocolate? Who knows!!

I thought maybe we could call it "Parent Madness" or something?
(pmad) for short?


So introducing....

Parent Madness (PMAD) - ParentMadness.blogspot.com

If you want to submit a short blurb or pic, send it to parentmadness@hotmail.com.

Provide these details:

- Nickname (i.e. GrossedOutDad)
- Who's thinking or speaking to who? (i.e. Daughter to Dad, Mom to Son)
- Short blurb
- Attached picture if you want

It doesn't have to just be Mothers and Fathers either!
Grampas, Grammas, Uncles, Aunts, Nieces, Nephews... all submissions are welcome!

Send yours in now!