Snack storage

There are pop tarts in my car's cupholder.

Rainbow poop

Sooo... now they have dolls with pets that poop rainbows, jewels and glitter??

Snore night

My son told me he only snores one night of the week.

Growing up is optional

Got a great compliment today from one of the kids in my daughter's girl scout troop: "I've never seen a grownup that acted like a kid before."

Bombs Away

So since Friday is 7/4, should I expect to hear mortar shellings this weekend, next weekend or both?

My Humps

At the zoo an old woman in a wheelchair told my daughter that the camel's humps were made of fat, just like her boobies!

Death Awaits Ye

I need a sign for my front door that says "Baby napping. Knock if you want to die."