Please fasten child securely in grocery cart so they can squirm around backwards and get stuck.

Nature boy

Kind of feel like running naked and yelling swear words in the house at 1 am since we have no kids here!

The barbie channels

Wow. On demand has an entire category for Barbie movies.

Eyes cream

Son: If you got ice cream in your eye, would it hurt?
Dad: No, ice cream is made of chopped up eyes, that's why they call it eyes cream.

Raking water

Sometimes cleaning the house is like trying to push water uphill with a rake.

Get lost cupid!

One of the boys in my dauther's class made a valentine ONLY FOR THE GIRLS of him making a kiss face and hearts floating in the sky.

He is now officially BLACKLISTED.

Drop and give me 20 minutes

First Saturday in months we can sleep in. If any of my children wakes me up early, I am sending them to military school.