Dog food baby

Mom: So apparently we can throw away all the toys and just buy our baby a dog food bowl, since that's the ONLY thing he wants to play with!

Blacklisted

Dad: One of the boys in my daughter's class made a valentine ONLY FOR THE GIRLS of him making a kiss face and hearts floating in the sky.
BLACKLISTED.

Brains down the drain

Daughter: Daddy what does this "blond" shampoo do?
Dad: It makes your brains go down the drain.
Mom: I HEARD THAT!!!

Eyes Everywhere

Mom: My daughter gives me a hug and goes to touch the back of my head.
She gets a thoughtful look and very seriously asks why she can't see the eyes in the back of my head!