At the zoo an old woman in a wheelchair told my daughter that the camel's humps were made of fat, just like her boobies!

I need a sign for my front door that says "Baby napping. Knock if you want to die."

The older kids are like the baby's PR managers. They set him up for this morning's spiderman pic, demanded I post it on facebook, and have been requesting updates on how many likes it received and from who.

So I was officially the "get off my lawn you damn kids!!" guy tonight. The adult school smokers always sit on my rocks and smoke. Tonight I dropped the hammer. We'll see if I get tp'd tomorrow.

Nice first day of flag football. We have the master playbook with plays: lightning, race car, eagle and ninja. Gotta make it fun

Acts of God

During every big storm: Yes I'm sure our house is not going to get blown away. No we're not going to get struck by lightning or get flooded.

But how.. what.. nevermind.

Tonight's adventure is brought to you by my son, who dropped fingernail clippers into a #2 unflushed toilet.