Noisy nap

Dad: What is it about a parent with their eyes closed that makes kids need to play loudly right next to them?

Dadtopia

Dad: In an effort to fight all the children's tears as Dad won the Monopoly game, I joked with everyone that their lands would all be conquered and become part of either Dadtopia or Momsburg.

Invisible rainbow

Mom: The swimming teacher told all the kids to pick a color. My son picked "invisible".

Toilet tag

Dad: My son played "toilet tag" at recess today. So proud.

Rainbow Mom

Mom: My daughter forgot her shoes at school, so Rainbow Dash delivered them and left a note!

Terrible ones

Mom: I think my son is trying to be an over achiever and start his terrible twos at one.

Poop basket

Dad: Son, stop pretending to poop in the laundry basket!