Playland woes

Younger daughter: Does this McDonald's have a playland?
Older daughter: No, but it's better that way. For THEM anyways.

Got the mumps?

Dad: Grumpy and mad mixed together is Mumpy!

Chocolate milk

One time when I was using my breast pump, my daughter came up and asked if I could make chocolate milk!!!

Run Away!!!

At the doctor's, our boy/girl twins were stripped to underwear getting ready for their immunization shot in the butt.
The boy went first, and after he screamed in pain the girl pulled her pants up as fast as she could and backed into the corner of the room!

Butt Chapstick

Son: Dad, my butt hurts.
Dad: You probably didn't wipe good enough after going to the bathroom.
Son: I need some butt Chapstick!

Vurp

Son: Dad... Dad! DAAADDD!!! Dad: WHAT??? Son: I just threw up in my mouth a little! Dad: Oh. Um... that's great. Son: And then I swallowed it back down!

Party On!

Dad: My son went into the bathroom where his daughters were going potty, dropped his pants and shouted "LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!"