Vurp

Son: Dad... Dad! DAAADDD!!! Dad: WHAT??? Son: I just threw up in my mouth a little! Dad: Oh. Um... that's great. Son: And then I swallowed it back down!

Party On!

Dad: My son went into the bathroom where his daughters were going potty, dropped his pants and shouted "LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!"

Mommy Pimples

Daughter: Mom you have pimples on your boobs!
Mom: ... You mean nipples??
Daughter: Yeah nipples! (hee hee) I have nipples too, but you have boobs and nipples!

Money where your mouth is

Daddy: I went to do the nightly toothbrush check, and found a quarter and nickel in my daughter's mouth!

Gluteus Maximus

Son: Daddy when I squeeze my butt cheeks together it sucks the poop in so it won't come out!

Private bites

Tried to convince the kids we should move to the forest and be nudists. (aka no more laundry) They said we can't or we'd get mosquito bites on our privates. They may have won that argument.

Future purse hoarder

Overheard spoiled little rich girl: OMG I don't know how you could STAND having the same backpack for a WHOLE YEAR!