Parent Madness Search
Baby Dragons!
Tonight at the grocery store, my daughter convinced my son that watermelons were dragon eggs!
Frozen Cherries
Your son just informed me (while eating ice cream) that he was "freezing his cherries off". When I asked him what he meant, he pointed in the general direction of his tonsils. Maybe a new term for the tonsils is in order????
No, the OTHER pink one is MINE!
Parenting tip: Always make sure your kids have different colored golf balls for putt putt
Nicknames begone!
Mom: So did you play with Josh today?
Son: You mean JoshUA?
Mom: You knew what I was talking about. If you called him Josh he would answer, right?
Son: (serious look) NO, that didn't work! I called him Josh and he didn't answer, then I called him JoshUA AND HE ANSWERED. (very serious)
Son: You mean JoshUA?
Mom: You knew what I was talking about. If you called him Josh he would answer, right?
Son: (serious look) NO, that didn't work! I called him Josh and he didn't answer, then I called him JoshUA AND HE ANSWERED. (very serious)
Man Toilet Training
Dad: Made my son clean the toilet when he peed on the seat. You're welcome to his future wife.
Fat & Happy Puppy
One of the kids put the box of dog treats upside down and OPEN. I pick up box, treats dump all over floor. Dog is ecstatic.
Teeny Tiny Tot
Dad: My five year old daughter is too small and skinny to set off the automatic door sensors!
Look on the bright yellow side
On the positive side, if the cat hadn't peed on the shower curtain I wouldn't have gone downstairs to throw it away and noticed the dog pee on the floor.
Stuffie Overload
Max stuffed animals allowed (per the rules) in the bed: 3. Stuffies in my daughter's bed: 19.
The comfy chair?
Mom: My daughter was playing and handing out pretend punishments - "I will make you sit in the uncomfortable chair!"
No W's allowed
Mom: My daughter is so organized, she has to have all the M&M's facing up and separated by color before she eats them!
Barf Zoo
My kids' summary of their zoo field trip: There was a kid who barfed so he got to ride in the wagon the whole time
At least it's not a tattoo!
Mom: Whats all over your arms?? Daughter: Stencil drawings with marker that MIGHT come off!
Skinny surfers
Mom: Watching "Soul Surfer" and my daughter says "Fat people can't surf" The things kids learn from the movies
Wendy Lady
Daughter: Mommy that Peter Pan is a silly boy
Mom: You're a silly girl
Daughter: You're a silly boy Mommy. (Insert immense giggles here), No, I'm just kidding Mommy, you a girl.
Mom: You're a silly girl
Daughter: You're a silly boy Mommy. (Insert immense giggles here), No, I'm just kidding Mommy, you a girl.
Princesses of Pop?
Daughter: the Disney princesses aren't real, but I saw a real princess on a magazine once! Mom: Do you remember her name? Daughter: Ummm I think it was Michael Jackson?
Oh Baby
Daddy: Why can't you stop wiggling?? Daughter: (shouting) I've just got that Justin Bieber song stuck in my head and I can't stop dancing!!!
Happy ARGH new year!
A parent's new year: Went to change the automatic cat litter boxes only to discover that it has eaten the plastic bag, so I had to take it apart the whole thing covered in filth.
One daughter woke up sick and barfing, and the other daughter peed her bed.
When I was doing laundry for the barf and pee soaked sheets, a wipey fell into the utility tub and clogged it. So when the washer emptied it flooded the laundry room. Barf water went pouring into the basement. AAGGGHH
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