After a week camping, our son was walking around wearing three hats and three sets of gloves to battle the AC.

My son just pulled his pants down and peed in the grass today after soccer practice.

If a muffin has frosting, chocolate chips and pudding filling, it is still a muffin?

Me: Son, why do you keep flushing the toilet? Son: I'm dumping my cereal down the drain.

Son: Dad. Dad. Dad dad dad dad. DAAADDD. Dad dad dad. Dad!!! Me: WHAT. Son: Um... I forget.

Daughter just said I am the "Laundry Monster" when I come into their rooms late at night, bones cracking when I walk, and with a THUD the laundry basket is dropped on the floor. Then there is a loud sigh and I creak and pop out the door.

A bird pooped on the handle of my mailbox.