Sugar Daddy

Daughter to Father: I wish I had a cell phone so I could break it and then I could have a boyfriend to buy me a new one! (5 year old girl)

No Presents!

(After Daddy put a Santa hat on) Daughter: Daddy you're a ho ho ho!

Big Nose

Dad: Sweetie you look a lot like Gramma. See, you have the same nose...
Daughter: Yeah, but Gramma's nose is BIG!

Helping Hands

Dad: I'm apparently so used to dining with kids that I scooped broccoli onto my sister's plate before realizing what I was doing!

No Puppy Love

Daughter to Dad: The octagon sign says no kissing doggies on the face!

Salad Sandwich

Son: Mommy, I didn't ask for salad!
Mom: That's not a salad, that's lettuce on your sandwich.

Potty Acrobat

When my little girl sits on the toilet to pee she more or less does the splits. One time when she leaned over to get some TP, she lost her balanced and did a complete forward roll off the toilet onto the floor!