But how.. what.. nevermind.

Tonight's adventure is brought to you by my son, who dropped fingernail clippers into a #2 unflushed toilet.

Whasat?

Our little guy has been saying "whassat?" and pointing at everything.

My favorite is when he sees food on your plate that he wants, he goes "whassat? AAAAAHHHHHH" and even has his tongue hanging out.

CSI At Home

Someone left a sunscreen hand print on the wall.

Time to line up the usual suspects and see whose hand fits the crime

Opposite Day

Dad: Ok, if we go to McDonalds and you don't get a shake, what flavor are you not going to get?

Son: Well today is opposite day so I am NOT going to get a chocolate shake!

Dad: Hmm the force strong with this one.

Shopaholic

Please fasten child securely in grocery cart so they can squirm around backwards and get stuck.

Nature boy

Kind of feel like running naked and yelling swear words in the house at 1 am since we have no kids here!

The barbie channels

Wow. On demand has an entire category for Barbie movies.

Eyes cream

Son: If you got ice cream in your eye, would it hurt?
Dad: No, ice cream is made of chopped up eyes, that's why they call it eyes cream.

Raking water

Sometimes cleaning the house is like trying to push water uphill with a rake.

Get lost cupid!

One of the boys in my dauther's class made a valentine ONLY FOR THE GIRLS of him making a kiss face and hearts floating in the sky.

He is now officially BLACKLISTED.

Drop and give me 20 minutes

First Saturday in months we can sleep in. If any of my children wakes me up early, I am sending them to military school.

Does God cover data plans?

Mom, can you send text messages to people that are in heaven?

Or spaghioli?

Hey Dad if you mix ravioli and spaghettios it's raviolios!

Uranus sounds funny

Dad: What's your favorite planet? Son: I have two, Earth and Uranus. Me: What do you like so much about Uranus? Son: It just sounds funny! (Me trying so hard not to laugh)

Shoe drama

My teenage 8 year old was crying over losing her favorite pair of socks, and is now giddy over how much she loves her new dress shoes. Wow.

Deep pockets

Mom: Can you call my phone? I can't find it. (Dad calls phone) (Mom's pocket starts ringing)

Kid overload

Four Dads twelve kids and a Gramma at the movies. Yes we're crazy.

So it begins

A boy called and asked if my oldest daughter could come over. Anybody got a shotgun?

Sweet sorry

Such a sweet girl. Oldest daughter was in trouble for being crabby, so she went into our room, straightened up our bed and left a sorry note!

Private bites

Tried to convince the kids we should move to the forest and be nudists. (aka no more laundry) They said we can't or we'd get mosquito bites on our privates. They may have won that argument.

Barf o'clock

Pop quiz for parents: What happens right after your kid walks in your room at 2am crying because their belly hurts so bad??

Creepy crawly car

Driving home the kids saw a big spider crawling on the car ceiling! Had to pull over quick and squash it amid screaming girls.

Illustrious illustrations

Mom: My daughter wrote a new hit novel "Apple Orchard" and even wrote that it was "Illustrated" by her. All the critics are raving about it.

Pop pop

Sort of sad that being a grownup has made me really hate balloons.

Clap happy

The clapping games have begun. Something about peppermint patty and kissing in the dark??

Pushy princesses

Mom: Did you play that card game with your friends this morning? Daughter: No, I didn't play "princess match" this time because "it was getting too rough".

Awenominal

Son: Mom, this dinner was awesome and phenomenal. It was "awenominal"!

Movie madness

Had a nice calm quiet time at the movies. Except for when my little girl spilled her drink all over me, and when the baby cried the entire time for Mommy. Time for some drinks and parking my butt on couch!

Cereal slam

Amazing. Baby gets his hands all wet from stuffing cheerios in his mouth, then he takes his flat hand and slams it down on more cheerios. They stick to his hand and he eats them off. Repeat.

Slanding

Dad: What's going on buddy? Son: Oh I was just sleeping standing. I was "slanding".

Burp alert

Baby was asleep on Mommy tonight. Right when I walked by he woke up and said *BURP* DADA!

Art master

My son brought an artwork masterpiece home from school. It was labeled "Colored poops" and was a bunch of ovals, all the colors of the rainbow!

Huddle trouble

The kids were up to something today. The oldest kept calling a "huddle" and they all got together and whispered and giggled.

Pasta sipper

My son used a piece of macaroni as a straw to drink ketchup from his plate. Another proud Dad moment.

Stinky sleeper

Wake up, stretch, roll over, fart. That's my son!

Dad's dictionary

Son: Dad, what does "union" mean? Me: It's actually a Spanish word that means if one of your children is not putting his laundry away, you can sell him to the alligators and he'll be raised as an alligator child.

May the 4th

Had the kids all bust out their lightsabers and had an epic battle! May the 4th be with you!

Food fusion

Usually I ignore my kid's complaints about restaurant food, but this time the restaurant used salsa instead of marinara for my daughter's spaghetti!

Rice Krispie Crimes

Mom: Sad to see that the only recipe for Rice Krispies is microwave only!!! I'll have to pass down the Real way to make them for sure. It's just not the same.

Bad Kid's Dropoff

Dad: Told my daughter that "The Children's Place" was where you took your kids if they were bad and you wanted to get rid of them.

Bus Stop Sprint

Mom: Got some good sprinting in this morning at the bus stop thanks to my son who left his backpack in the car!

Peace & Quiet

Dad: Kids staying at Gramma's for the weekend? Kind of weird not yelling at anyone in the morning!

Coffee Chat

Mom: Kids had a sleepover with some really chatty friends. I am not used to this much talking in the morning before coffee!!

King of the Castle

Dad: After having nieces come to visit, my wife has brought to light how many "routines" we have and says I am "the king of routines". Is that a good thing???

Baby Shack

Dad: I kind of want to ask the radio shack guy if he babysits. He had all the kids totally calm and listening for like 5 minutes, which is an all time record!

No TVs allowed

Mom: Sitting at lunch with my TV zombie kids, I think they totally should make a "no TV section" for restaurants!

Lost Tooth

My daughter lost a tooth today! And then in true kid style, she lost it four more times.

No fun allowed

I've discovered that I have a "no fun Dad face" that I use when the kids are screwing around.

Noisy nap

Dad: What is it about a parent with their eyes closed that makes kids need to play loudly right next to them?

Dadtopia

Dad: In an effort to fight all the children's tears as Dad won the Monopoly game, I joked with everyone that their lands would all be conquered and become part of either Dadtopia or Momsburg.