Parent Madness Search
Deep pockets
Mom: Can you call my phone? I can't find it.
(Dad calls phone)
(Mom's pocket starts ringing)
Sweet sorry
Such a sweet girl. Oldest daughter was in trouble for being crabby, so she went into our room, straightened up our bed and left a sorry note!
Private bites
Tried to convince the kids we should move to the forest and be nudists. (aka no more laundry)
They said we can't or we'd get mosquito bites on our privates.
They may have won that argument.
Barf o'clock
Pop quiz for parents: What happens right after your kid walks in your room at 2am crying because their belly hurts so bad??
Creepy crawly car
Driving home the kids saw a big spider crawling on the car ceiling!
Had to pull over quick and squash it amid screaming girls.
Illustrious illustrations
Mom: My daughter wrote a new hit novel "Apple Orchard" and even wrote that it was "Illustrated" by her.
All the critics are raving about it.
Clap happy
The clapping games have begun. Something about peppermint patty and kissing in the dark??
Pushy princesses
Mom: Did you play that card game with your friends this morning?
Daughter: No, I didn't play "princess match" this time because "it was getting too rough".
Movie madness
Had a nice calm quiet time at the movies. Except for when my little girl spilled her drink all over me, and when the baby cried the entire time for Mommy. Time for some drinks and parking my butt on couch!
Cereal slam
Amazing. Baby gets his hands all wet from stuffing cheerios in his mouth, then he takes his flat hand and slams it down on more cheerios. They stick to his hand and he eats them off. Repeat.
Burp alert
Baby was asleep on Mommy tonight. Right when I walked by he woke up and said *BURP* DADA!
Art master
My son brought an artwork masterpiece home from school. It was labeled "Colored poops" and was a bunch of ovals, all the colors of the rainbow!
Huddle trouble
The kids were up to something today.
The oldest kept calling a "huddle" and they all got together and whispered and giggled.
Pasta sipper
My son used a piece of macaroni as a straw to drink ketchup from his plate. Another proud Dad moment.
Dad's dictionary
Son: Dad, what does "union" mean?
Me: It's actually a Spanish word that means if one of your children is not putting his laundry away, you can sell him to the alligators and he'll be raised as an alligator child.
May the 4th
Had the kids all bust out their lightsabers and had an epic battle! May the 4th be with you!
Food fusion
Usually I ignore my kid's complaints about restaurant food, but this time the restaurant used salsa instead of marinara for my daughter's spaghetti!
Rice Krispie Crimes
Mom: Sad to see that the only recipe for Rice Krispies is microwave only!!! I'll have to pass down the Real way to make them for sure. It's just not the same.
Bad Kid's Dropoff
Dad: Told my daughter that "The Children's Place" was where you took your kids if they were bad and you wanted to get rid of them.
Bus Stop Sprint
Mom: Got some good sprinting in this morning at the bus stop thanks to my son who left his backpack in the car!
Peace & Quiet
Dad: Kids staying at Gramma's for the weekend? Kind of weird not yelling at anyone in the morning!
Coffee Chat
Mom: Kids had a sleepover with some really chatty friends. I am not used to this much talking in the morning before coffee!!
King of the Castle
Dad: After having nieces come to visit, my wife has brought to light how many "routines" we have and says I am "the king of routines". Is that a good thing???
Baby Shack
Dad: I kind of want to ask the radio shack guy if he babysits.
He had all the kids totally calm and listening for like 5 minutes, which is an all time record!
No TVs allowed
Mom: Sitting at lunch with my TV zombie kids, I think they totally should make a "no TV section" for restaurants!
No fun allowed
I've discovered that I have a "no fun Dad face" that I use when the kids are screwing around.
Noisy nap
Dad: What is it about a parent with their eyes closed that makes kids need to play loudly right next to them?
Dadtopia
Dad: In an effort to fight all the children's tears as Dad won the Monopoly game, I joked with everyone that their lands would all be conquered and become part of either Dadtopia or Momsburg.
Invisible rainbow
Mom: The swimming teacher told all the kids to pick a color. My son picked "invisible".
Rainbow Mom
Mom: My daughter forgot her shoes at school, so Rainbow Dash delivered them and left a note!
Terrible ones
Mom: I think my son is trying to be an over achiever and start his terrible twos at one.
Dog food baby
Mom: So apparently we can throw away all the toys and just buy our baby a dog food bowl,
since that's the ONLY thing he wants to play with!
Blacklisted
Dad: One of the boys in my daughter's class made a valentine ONLY FOR THE GIRLS of him making a kiss face and hearts floating in the sky.
BLACKLISTED.
BLACKLISTED.
Brains down the drain
Daughter: Daddy what does this "blond" shampoo do?
Dad: It makes your brains go down the drain.
Mom: I HEARD THAT!!!
Dad: It makes your brains go down the drain.
Mom: I HEARD THAT!!!
Eyes Everywhere
Mom: My daughter gives me a hug and goes to touch the back of my head.
She gets a thoughtful look and very seriously asks why she can't see the eyes in the back of my head!
Ice Cream Cart
New shopping strategy, ice cream in the cart to prevent straying from my list and getting outta here! :)
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