Nothing like a manager at a water park dropping a baby doll into the lazy river to test the reflexes of the life guard.
Thankfully, ours passed, but my heart stopped!
Parent Madness Search
Baby Doll Swimmer
Nothing like a manager at a water park dropping a baby doll into the lazy river to test the reflexes of the life guard.
Thankfully, ours passed, but my heart stopped!
Tinkerbell Star Wars
Mom: My daughter and her friends played Star Wars and she was Queen Amidala and her friend was Princess Leia. And they had wings!! And could fly!!!
Tinkerbell Star Wars anyone?? It can totally happen now!
Gamer Mom
Mom: I wanna play Skylanders. I wanna play Skylanders!
Kids: No mom. It's OUR game.
Mom: Bummer.
Foot Drama
My teenage 8 year old was crying over losing her favorite pair of socks, and is now giddy over how much she loves her new dress shoes. Wow.
Movie Manners
All movie theater etiquette totally goes out the window when we watch a movie at home.
The kids are jumping up and down, hooting and hollering and yelling at the TV.
Tinkerbell Tear Jerker
Maybe one of these days the girls (and Mommy) will be able to make it through Tinkerbell and the secret of the wings without crying, but today is not that day!
Girl Power?
Kind of stinks when the kids watch a cartoon and want to pick which characters they are, and there aren't any girls. :(
Frozen Wifesicle
Husband of the year award.
Fell asleep in my son's bed after putting him down for the night,
while my wife went to get groceries out of the car.
She accidentally locked herself in the garage, and called and called on my phone but I snored on while she froze outside!
Epic Naptime
Mommy and Daddy both crashed on couches for naps, and big sister put herself and the other kids down for a nap without even asking!!
Epic naptime win!
Just eat it
Grandma: Did you like the breakfast I made?
Granddaughter: Yes! I just didn't want to eat it.
Granddaughter: Yes! I just didn't want to eat it.
Weird Beard
Daughter: Daddy are you going to shave your beard? Because you will look weird when you trick or treat!
Too young for that stamp
My eight year old daughter came home today with a fake tattoo that "some boy" put on her lower back!
Oldest trick in the book
Dad: A girl playing on the computer this morning totally batted her eyes with a shy smile at my son and asked him for help. He fell for it, just like his Dad always did.
Playland woes
Younger daughter: Does this McDonald's have a playland?
Older daughter: No, but it's better that way. For THEM anyways.
Chocolate milk
One time when I was using my breast pump, my daughter came up and asked if I could make chocolate milk!!!
Run Away!!!
At the doctor's, our boy/girl twins were stripped to underwear getting ready for their immunization shot in the butt.
The boy went first, and after he screamed in pain the girl pulled her pants up as fast as she could and backed into the corner of the room!
Butt Chapstick
Son: Dad, my butt hurts.
Dad: You probably didn't wipe good enough after going to the bathroom.
Son: I need some butt Chapstick!
Dad: You probably didn't wipe good enough after going to the bathroom.
Son: I need some butt Chapstick!
Vurp
Son: Dad... Dad! DAAADDD!!! Dad: WHAT??? Son: I just threw up in my mouth a little! Dad: Oh. Um... that's great. Son: And then I swallowed it back down!
Party On!
Dad: My son went into the bathroom where his daughters were going potty, dropped his pants and shouted "LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!"
Mommy Pimples
Daughter: Mom you have pimples on your boobs!
Mom: ... You mean nipples??
Daughter: Yeah nipples! (hee hee) I have nipples too, but you have boobs and nipples!
Mom: ... You mean nipples??
Daughter: Yeah nipples! (hee hee) I have nipples too, but you have boobs and nipples!
Money where your mouth is
Daddy: I went to do the nightly toothbrush check, and found a quarter and nickel in my daughter's mouth!
Gluteus Maximus
Son: Daddy when I squeeze my butt cheeks together it sucks the poop in so it won't come out!
Private bites
Tried to convince the kids we should move to the forest and be nudists. (aka no more laundry) They said we can't or we'd get mosquito bites on our privates. They may have won that argument.
Future purse hoarder
Overheard spoiled little rich girl: OMG I don't know how you could STAND having the same backpack for a WHOLE YEAR!
Here comes the rain
Dad: My 8 year old daughter came to me sobbing today because she hates her hair because it has too many tangles. HELP WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BABY?!
Baby Dragons!
Tonight at the grocery store, my daughter convinced my son that watermelons were dragon eggs!
Frozen Cherries
Your son just informed me (while eating ice cream) that he was "freezing his cherries off". When I asked him what he meant, he pointed in the general direction of his tonsils. Maybe a new term for the tonsils is in order????
No, the OTHER pink one is MINE!
Parenting tip: Always make sure your kids have different colored golf balls for putt putt
Nicknames begone!
Mom: So did you play with Josh today?
Son: You mean JoshUA?
Mom: You knew what I was talking about. If you called him Josh he would answer, right?
Son: (serious look) NO, that didn't work! I called him Josh and he didn't answer, then I called him JoshUA AND HE ANSWERED. (very serious)
Son: You mean JoshUA?
Mom: You knew what I was talking about. If you called him Josh he would answer, right?
Son: (serious look) NO, that didn't work! I called him Josh and he didn't answer, then I called him JoshUA AND HE ANSWERED. (very serious)
Man Toilet Training
Dad: Made my son clean the toilet when he peed on the seat. You're welcome to his future wife.
Fat & Happy Puppy
One of the kids put the box of dog treats upside down and OPEN. I pick up box, treats dump all over floor. Dog is ecstatic.
Teeny Tiny Tot
Dad: My five year old daughter is too small and skinny to set off the automatic door sensors!
Look on the bright yellow side
On the positive side, if the cat hadn't peed on the shower curtain I wouldn't have gone downstairs to throw it away and noticed the dog pee on the floor.
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