Terrible ones

Mom: I think my son is trying to be an over achiever and start his terrible twos at one.

Poop basket

Dad: Son, stop pretending to poop in the laundry basket!

Dog food baby

Mom: So apparently we can throw away all the toys and just buy our baby a dog food bowl, since that's the ONLY thing he wants to play with!

Blacklisted

Dad: One of the boys in my daughter's class made a valentine ONLY FOR THE GIRLS of him making a kiss face and hearts floating in the sky.
BLACKLISTED.

Brains down the drain

Daughter: Daddy what does this "blond" shampoo do?
Dad: It makes your brains go down the drain.
Mom: I HEARD THAT!!!

Eyes Everywhere

Mom: My daughter gives me a hug and goes to touch the back of my head.
She gets a thoughtful look and very seriously asks why she can't see the eyes in the back of my head!

Ice Cream Cart

New shopping strategy, ice cream in the cart to prevent straying from my list and getting outta here! :)

Baby Doll Swimmer

Nothing like a manager at a water park dropping a baby doll into the lazy river to test the reflexes of the life guard.

Thankfully, ours passed, but my heart stopped!

Tinkerbell Star Wars

Mom: My daughter and her friends played Star Wars and she was Queen Amidala and her friend was Princess Leia. And they had wings!! And could fly!!!

Tinkerbell Star Wars anyone?? It can totally happen now!

Gamer Mom

Mom: I wanna play Skylanders. I wanna play Skylanders!
Kids: No mom. It's OUR game.
Mom: Bummer.

Foot Drama

My teenage 8 year old was crying over losing her favorite pair of socks, and is now giddy over how much she loves her new dress shoes. Wow.

Movie Manners

All movie theater etiquette totally goes out the window when we watch a movie at home.
The kids are jumping up and down, hooting and hollering and yelling at the TV.

Tinkerbell Tear Jerker

Maybe one of these days the girls (and Mommy) will be able to make it through Tinkerbell and the secret of the wings without crying, but today is not that day!

Girl Power?

Kind of stinks when the kids watch a cartoon and want to pick which characters they are, and there aren't any girls. :(

Fudge Thief

Son: SERIOUSLY Dad??
Only one more piece of chocolate fudge left??
(angry face)

Frozen Wifesicle

Husband of the year award.

Fell asleep in my son's bed after putting him down for the night,
while my wife went to get groceries out of the car.

She accidentally locked herself in the garage, and called and called on my phone but I snored on while she froze outside!

Epic Naptime

Mommy and Daddy both crashed on couches for naps, and big sister put herself and the other kids down for a nap without even asking!!

Epic naptime win!

Just eat it

Grandma: Did you like the breakfast I made?
Granddaughter: Yes! I just didn't want to eat it.

Angry Fried Birds

Dad, I think these chicken nuggets used to be angry birds!

All Pooped Out

Dad my butt is tired, because it's been pooping all day long!

Fish

Mom: What lives under the sea? Son: an Orca? (No simple "fish" answer for my son!)

Weird Beard

Daughter: Daddy are you going to shave your beard? Because you will look weird when you trick or treat!

Too young for that stamp

My eight year old daughter came home today with a fake tattoo that "some boy" put on her lower back!

Oldest trick in the book

Dad: A girl playing on the computer this morning totally batted her eyes with a shy smile at my son and asked him for help. He fell for it, just like his Dad always did.

No tagbacks

Son: Mom, I was playing tag with my friend, so I'm "IT" until recess on Monday.

Playland woes

Younger daughter: Does this McDonald's have a playland?
Older daughter: No, but it's better that way. For THEM anyways.

Got the mumps?

Dad: Grumpy and mad mixed together is Mumpy!

Chocolate milk

One time when I was using my breast pump, my daughter came up and asked if I could make chocolate milk!!!

Run Away!!!

At the doctor's, our boy/girl twins were stripped to underwear getting ready for their immunization shot in the butt.
The boy went first, and after he screamed in pain the girl pulled her pants up as fast as she could and backed into the corner of the room!

Butt Chapstick

Son: Dad, my butt hurts.
Dad: You probably didn't wipe good enough after going to the bathroom.
Son: I need some butt Chapstick!

Vurp

Son: Dad... Dad! DAAADDD!!! Dad: WHAT??? Son: I just threw up in my mouth a little! Dad: Oh. Um... that's great. Son: And then I swallowed it back down!