Dad: My son went into the bathroom where his daughters were going potty, dropped his pants and shouted "LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!"
Parent Madness Search
Party On!
Dad: My son went into the bathroom where his daughters were going potty, dropped his pants and shouted "LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!"
Mommy Pimples
Daughter: Mom you have pimples on your boobs!
Mom: ... You mean nipples??
Daughter: Yeah nipples! (hee hee) I have nipples too, but you have boobs and nipples!
Mom: ... You mean nipples??
Daughter: Yeah nipples! (hee hee) I have nipples too, but you have boobs and nipples!
Money where your mouth is
Daddy: I went to do the nightly toothbrush check, and found a quarter and nickel in my daughter's mouth!
Gluteus Maximus
Son: Daddy when I squeeze my butt cheeks together it sucks the poop in so it won't come out!
Private bites
Tried to convince the kids we should move to the forest and be nudists. (aka no more laundry) They said we can't or we'd get mosquito bites on our privates. They may have won that argument.
Future purse hoarder
Overheard spoiled little rich girl: OMG I don't know how you could STAND having the same backpack for a WHOLE YEAR!
Here comes the rain
Dad: My 8 year old daughter came to me sobbing today because she hates her hair because it has too many tangles. HELP WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BABY?!
Baby Dragons!
Tonight at the grocery store, my daughter convinced my son that watermelons were dragon eggs!
Frozen Cherries
Your son just informed me (while eating ice cream) that he was "freezing his cherries off". When I asked him what he meant, he pointed in the general direction of his tonsils. Maybe a new term for the tonsils is in order????
No, the OTHER pink one is MINE!
Parenting tip: Always make sure your kids have different colored golf balls for putt putt
Nicknames begone!
Mom: So did you play with Josh today?
Son: You mean JoshUA?
Mom: You knew what I was talking about. If you called him Josh he would answer, right?
Son: (serious look) NO, that didn't work! I called him Josh and he didn't answer, then I called him JoshUA AND HE ANSWERED. (very serious)
Son: You mean JoshUA?
Mom: You knew what I was talking about. If you called him Josh he would answer, right?
Son: (serious look) NO, that didn't work! I called him Josh and he didn't answer, then I called him JoshUA AND HE ANSWERED. (very serious)
Man Toilet Training
Dad: Made my son clean the toilet when he peed on the seat. You're welcome to his future wife.
Fat & Happy Puppy
One of the kids put the box of dog treats upside down and OPEN. I pick up box, treats dump all over floor. Dog is ecstatic.
Teeny Tiny Tot
Dad: My five year old daughter is too small and skinny to set off the automatic door sensors!
Look on the bright yellow side
On the positive side, if the cat hadn't peed on the shower curtain I wouldn't have gone downstairs to throw it away and noticed the dog pee on the floor.
Stuffie Overload
Max stuffed animals allowed (per the rules) in the bed: 3. Stuffies in my daughter's bed: 19.
The comfy chair?
Mom: My daughter was playing and handing out pretend punishments - "I will make you sit in the uncomfortable chair!"
No W's allowed
Mom: My daughter is so organized, she has to have all the M&M's facing up and separated by color before she eats them!
Barf Zoo
My kids' summary of their zoo field trip: There was a kid who barfed so he got to ride in the wagon the whole time
At least it's not a tattoo!
Mom: Whats all over your arms?? Daughter: Stencil drawings with marker that MIGHT come off!
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