Deep pockets

Mom: Can you call my phone? I can't find it. (Dad calls phone) (Mom's pocket starts ringing)

Sweet sorry

Such a sweet girl. Oldest daughter was in trouble for being crabby, so she went into our room, straightened up our bed and left a sorry note!

Private bites

Tried to convince the kids we should move to the forest and be nudists. (aka no more laundry) They said we can't or we'd get mosquito bites on our privates. They may have won that argument.

Barf o'clock

Pop quiz for parents: What happens right after your kid walks in your room at 2am crying because their belly hurts so bad??

Illustrious illustrations

Mom: My daughter wrote a new hit novel "Apple Orchard" and even wrote that it was "Illustrated" by her. All the critics are raving about it.

Pushy princesses

Mom: Did you play that card game with your friends this morning? Daughter: No, I didn't play "princess match" this time because "it was getting too rough".

Awenominal

Son: Mom, this dinner was awesome and phenomenal. It was "awenominal"!

Cereal slam

Amazing. Baby gets his hands all wet from stuffing cheerios in his mouth, then he takes his flat hand and slams it down on more cheerios. They stick to his hand and he eats them off. Repeat.

Burp alert

Baby was asleep on Mommy tonight. Right when I walked by he woke up and said *BURP* DADA!

Art master

My son brought an artwork masterpiece home from school. It was labeled "Colored poops" and was a bunch of ovals, all the colors of the rainbow!

Huddle trouble

The kids were up to something today. The oldest kept calling a "huddle" and they all got together and whispered and giggled.

Food fusion

Usually I ignore my kid's complaints about restaurant food, but this time the restaurant used salsa instead of marinara for my daughter's spaghetti!

Rice Krispie Crimes

Mom: Sad to see that the only recipe for Rice Krispies is microwave only!!! I'll have to pass down the Real way to make them for sure. It's just not the same.

Bus Stop Sprint

Mom: Got some good sprinting in this morning at the bus stop thanks to my son who left his backpack in the car!

Coffee Chat

Mom: Kids had a sleepover with some really chatty friends. I am not used to this much talking in the morning before coffee!!

King of the Castle

Dad: After having nieces come to visit, my wife has brought to light how many "routines" we have and says I am "the king of routines". Is that a good thing???

No TVs allowed

Mom: Sitting at lunch with my TV zombie kids, I think they totally should make a "no TV section" for restaurants!

Lost Tooth

My daughter lost a tooth today! And then in true kid style, she lost it four more times.

Dadtopia

Dad: In an effort to fight all the children's tears as Dad won the Monopoly game, I joked with everyone that their lands would all be conquered and become part of either Dadtopia or Momsburg.

Invisible rainbow

Mom: The swimming teacher told all the kids to pick a color. My son picked "invisible".