At dinner tonight my son had mashed potatoes on his ear.

There are pop tarts in my car's cupholder.

Sooo... now they have dolls with pets that poop rainbows, jewels and glitter??

My son told me he only snores one night of the week.

Got a great compliment today from one of the kids in my daughter's girl scout troop: "I've never seen a grownup that acted like a kid before."

So since Friday is 7/4, should I expect to hear mortar shellings this weekend, next weekend or both?

At the zoo an old woman in a wheelchair told my daughter that the camel's humps were made of fat, just like her boobies!