As we are walking in a marshy park in the middle of the woods, admiring the beautiful nature scenes, my son says: "Dad, do you have a non-favorite type of cheese?"

Me: I am a gracious benefactor... Son: Did you know that gracious means good, and bene in benefactor comes from the latin word for "good"? Me: ..................... I love my kid's teachers.

My son just pulled his pants down and peed in the grass today after soccer practice.

If a muffin has frosting, chocolate chips and pudding filling, it is still a muffin?

Me: Son, why do you keep flushing the toilet? Son: I'm dumping my cereal down the drain.

Son: Dad. Dad. Dad dad dad dad. DAAADDD. Dad dad dad. Dad!!! Me: WHAT. Son: Um... I forget.

Daughter just said I am the "Laundry Monster" when I come into their rooms late at night, bones cracking when I walk, and with a THUD the laundry basket is dropped on the floor. Then there is a loud sigh and I creak and pop out the door.

A bird pooped on the handle of my mailbox.

My son has spent the last few minutes yelling "Luuuuke I am your faaaaatherrrr" into the fan. So proud.

Life can be awesome, and just a piece of poop at the same time. (found in my son's school journal)

Kids are upstairs supposed to be going to bed, but they are running around, laughing, slamming doors and yelling. I yell up "WHAT IS GOING ON???? Son says "Well, we were getting our pjs on and then older sister did the Wuxi Finger Hold on little brother and sent him back to the spirit world."

Found a toothbrush stuck in the vacuum cleaner today.

When you dunk your cookie in your coffee and a big chunk of it falls in, it's kind of a happy sad moment. Sad because your cookie just broke off, but happy because you know at the end of your cup of coffee there will be a coffee soaked mushy cookie.

I was trying to scare my sons while we were walking in the dark, so I said "You really have to watch out for alligators." My other son said "No, sharks are way scarier." and my youngest said "NO you really have to watch out for hammer head sharks because they will HAMMER you if you're not looking."

Today at bedtime prayers we siad thank you for basketball and sledding and hot cocoa and video games and legos and pizza. One son said it was about the best day ever. The other said thank you for his new band aid.

Waking up my son this morning and the first words out of his mouth are "Dad what do you multiply 2 by to get 117?"

I wonder how many more years I'll still be carrying sleeping kids upstairs.

Dad: You can't leave the house today. Daughter: Why? Dad: Because there are boys out there and you're just too pretty. Daughter: (eye roll) That's both nice and offensive!

Not sure if my son is giving his brother a hug or putting him in a headlock.

It's cool, gravy spilled all over the car increases the resale value.