Meow! Zzzz..

Dad: Coaching kids flag football today was like herding deaf narcoleptic cats!

Capris Shorts

My 5 year old daughter's shorts she wore today? Size 18 month capris!

Nicknames begone!

Mom: So did you play with Josh today?
Son: You mean JoshUA?
Mom: You knew what I was talking about. If you called him Josh he would answer, right?
Son: (serious look) NO, that didn't work! I called him Josh and he didn't answer, then I called him JoshUA AND HE ANSWERED. (very serious)

Criss Cross

Dad to daughter, AFTER school: Wait... are your pants on backwards??

Man Toilet Training

Dad: Made my son clean the toilet when he peed on the seat. You're welcome to his future wife.

Fat & Happy Puppy

One of the kids put the box of dog treats upside down and OPEN. I pick up box, treats dump all over floor. Dog is ecstatic.

Teeny Tiny Tot

Dad: My five year old daughter is too small and skinny to set off the automatic door sensors!