Son: Daddy the lemurs are screeching because they know it's my
birthday!!
Parent Madness Search
Oh Snap
Mom: I'm not happy that you didn't nap today.
Daughter: Well, I'm happy that I didn't have to sleep. Oy!
Daughter: Well, I'm happy that I didn't have to sleep. Oy!
Dancin machine
In the women's locker room after my three year old boy's swimming
class, he dropped his pants and started gyrating his pelvis saying
Mommy look at me!!
class, he dropped his pants and started gyrating his pelvis saying
Mommy look at me!!
Tree Terror
Daughter: Daddy you can't go to work in your underpants because you
might get hit by a tree!
might get hit by a tree!
You'll Go Down in History
Daughter: Gramma when were you born?
Gramma: 1942
Daughter: Isn't that when Columbus sailed the ocean blue?
Gramma: 1942
Daughter: Isn't that when Columbus sailed the ocean blue?
Cut it out
(at a pizza place)
Son: Daddy don't cut the cheese!
Mom: Your son is wise beyond his years!
Son: Daddy don't cut the cheese!
Mom: Your son is wise beyond his years!
Bow Wow Brains
Daughter: Mommy if our dog's brains fall out will he turn bad?
Mom: No honey, and his brains can't just fall out.
Daughter: What if we shaved off all of his fur?
Mom: No honey, and his brains can't just fall out.
Daughter: What if we shaved off all of his fur?
Resistance is futile
After delivering a nicely folded basket of laundry for my daughter to
put away, I turned back to see her picking them up and shaking them to
unfold them before stuffing them into her drawers!
put away, I turned back to see her picking them up and shaking them to
unfold them before stuffing them into her drawers!
Lights Out
My daughter is so determined to be the one to turn off her bedroom
light at night that if I turn it off first she will walk over, turn it
on again and off again!
light at night that if I turn it off first she will walk over, turn it
on again and off again!
No It's Not
I was changing my daughter's diaper, and didn't realize it had a turd in it, so when I pulled it off, the poop landed right on her stomach.
Daughter: I have chocolate in my butt??
Daughter: I have chocolate in my butt??
Proud Papa
Just taught my son how to write his name in pee in the dirt. Daycare will love that trick!
Green Dad
At the bus stop today my daughter and I picked up all the worms from the sidewalk and threw them into the grass. Thank you kids books about worms!
Wet Floor
While I was in the shower, my daughter shouted frantically for me to come quick, my daughter needed me! Always the superhero, I dashed wet and naked through the hall to help. She had forgotten the name of her dolly and wanted to ask me.
Shake It
My son pulled his pants down after peeing, stepped back over to the
potty and said "I forgot to shake it!"
potty and said "I forgot to shake it!"
Dirty Pants
You know you've reached a new phase when the kids end up dumping more food on you than on themselves.
Princess Prayers
The princess thing may have gone too far, we now say prayers every night with an audible breath between each sentence "So I sound like a princess!"
It Doesn't Beep
I touched my 3 year old son's nose and made a "beep!" sound. He responded by poking me in the crotch and saying "beep!"
Boys Rule
My daughter was wrestling and tickling her little brother, and he passed gas right in her face. Testosterone FTW!
Confused Mommy
My two little ones (boy and girl) were running around with no clothes on after bath time, the girl on the floor and the boy standing. The boy stands over the girl and says Good doggy! I'm going to pee on your head! What???
Presenting Her Highness
My daughter knocked on the door and said "Open the door. The Queen is home!"
Almost?
At the grocery store, my son grabs the SI swimsuit edition and shows me and says, "Mom, you can almost see her boobs!" Too funny!
No Licking
My daughter had a friend over for a playdate. As the two girls were playing, her friend leaned over and licked my daughter in the armpit!
Stinker Pants
My daughter let one rip in the car this morning so bad I had to roll
the windows down!
the windows down!
Good Job Daddy
Son to Mom: My Daddy stands up to go potty and he pees in the water and doesn't make a mess!
Swim Shirts
Daughter: Daddy why do you have two shirts on?
Dad: So I can be warm at work.
Daughter: You can't go swimming with your clothes on! (I don't swim
at work??)
Dad: So I can be warm at work.
Daughter: You can't go swimming with your clothes on! (I don't swim
at work??)
Sleep Fight
Checking on my daughter at bedtime I found that she was wearing her toy boxing gloves in bed!
Old Mommy
Daughter to Mom: I want to be old like you Mommy so I can get married and have babies and take them to swimming class!
Home Repair
Daughter: It's hairy down there in the heating vent.
Gramma: How do you know?
Daughter: *rips the vent off the floor* See?!?
Gramma: How do you know?
Daughter: *rips the vent off the floor* See?!?
My Poo!
This morning my daughter had a tantrum at daycare because another kid flushed "her poop" down the toilet!
Toddler Streaker
My little daughter is so skinny that her pants were falling down as she ran to her classroom. Run three steps, pants fall down. Hoist pants back up, run three more, pants fall down again!
Frozen Cowgirls
My daughter and her friend both had scarves on at the bus stop, so they spent the whole time pretending to be cowgirls having a shootout!
Sugar Daddy
Daughter to Father: I wish I had a cell phone so I could break it and then I could have a boyfriend to buy me a new one! (5 year old girl)
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