I wonder how many more years I'll still be carrying sleeping kids upstairs.

My son declared himself the King, and was placed in charge of making sure everyone was cleaning. He loved the job and was pointing his scepter at kids like "You! Clean this over here!"

Dad: You can't leave the house today. Daughter: Why? Dad: Because there are boys out there and you're just too pretty. Daughter: (eye roll) That's both nice and offensive!

Not sure if my son is giving his brother a hug or putting him in a headlock.

It's cool, gravy spilled all over the car increases the resale value.

The dog tried to eat steel wool this evening. Apparently it was time for dinner.

Sitting on the toilet, my son decided he would lower his butt down to dip it in the water.

It's like they just wait until you're in the bathroom before starting absolute chaos

My son fell hands first into the toilet today.

There was a fork on the floor of the bathroom stall today.

My son's logic on Frozen: Kristoff should have just taken Anna to the really hot sauna that was right by Elsa's castle.

The things we say as parents. "Honey, you have some cheese dip on your shoulder."

I packed a blueberry muffin in a little plastic bag to take to work. When my back was turned my toddler son opened the bag and gave the muffin to the dog.

To help encourage the kids' soccer team to score goals, I made a deal with them that I'd do 10 pushups for every goal they scored. My daughter's team scored 14 goals this week and 8 last week, so I now owe 220 pushups. Apparently it's working.

At the children's sermon today: "Why do you think we make a bigger deal about Mother's Day than Father's Day?" My son: "I think Dads just want to take a nap!"

My daughter says that one of her classmates looks British. Not sure what that means?