Barf o'clock

Pop quiz for parents: What happens right after your kid walks in your room at 2am crying because their belly hurts so bad??

Creepy crawly car

Driving home the kids saw a big spider crawling on the car ceiling! Had to pull over quick and squash it amid screaming girls.

Illustrious illustrations

Mom: My daughter wrote a new hit novel "Apple Orchard" and even wrote that it was "Illustrated" by her. All the critics are raving about it.

Pop pop

Sort of sad that being a grownup has made me really hate balloons.

Clap happy

The clapping games have begun. Something about peppermint patty and kissing in the dark??

Pushy princesses

Mom: Did you play that card game with your friends this morning? Daughter: No, I didn't play "princess match" this time because "it was getting too rough".

Awenominal

Son: Mom, this dinner was awesome and phenomenal. It was "awenominal"!

Movie madness

Had a nice calm quiet time at the movies. Except for when my little girl spilled her drink all over me, and when the baby cried the entire time for Mommy. Time for some drinks and parking my butt on couch!

Cereal slam

Amazing. Baby gets his hands all wet from stuffing cheerios in his mouth, then he takes his flat hand and slams it down on more cheerios. They stick to his hand and he eats them off. Repeat.

Slanding

Dad: What's going on buddy? Son: Oh I was just sleeping standing. I was "slanding".

Burp alert

Baby was asleep on Mommy tonight. Right when I walked by he woke up and said *BURP* DADA!

Art master

My son brought an artwork masterpiece home from school. It was labeled "Colored poops" and was a bunch of ovals, all the colors of the rainbow!

Huddle trouble

The kids were up to something today. The oldest kept calling a "huddle" and they all got together and whispered and giggled.

Pasta sipper

My son used a piece of macaroni as a straw to drink ketchup from his plate. Another proud Dad moment.

Stinky sleeper

Wake up, stretch, roll over, fart. That's my son!

Dad's dictionary

Son: Dad, what does "union" mean? Me: It's actually a Spanish word that means if one of your children is not putting his laundry away, you can sell him to the alligators and he'll be raised as an alligator child.

May the 4th

Had the kids all bust out their lightsabers and had an epic battle! May the 4th be with you!

Food fusion

Usually I ignore my kid's complaints about restaurant food, but this time the restaurant used salsa instead of marinara for my daughter's spaghetti!